Well now that we are out of quarantine, obviously the most important thing for us to do is go to Ikea. Me and Katy love Ikea. Some may say even too much. Hector however does not seem as invested. This morning I woke him up in bed with a piece of toast and told him. “Hector we’re going to Ikea…this was his response.”

He said that…he likes…bread. Not really sure what that had to do with anything to be honest. Regardless, I dragged him and Katy into a strangers’ car and began our journey to Ikea. A journey which mandates the singing of the Ikea Song. A song which captures the majesty that is…Ikea.
Long ago in days of yore
It all began with a god named Thor

There were Vikings and boats
And some plans for a furniture store

It’s not a bodega, it’s not a mall
And they sell things for apartments smaller than mine
As if there were apartments smaller than mine


just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen

selling furniture for college kids and divorced men

Everyone has a home
But if you don’t have a home you can buy one there!
So rent a car or take the bus

Lay your cash down and put your trust
In the land where the furniture folds to a much smaller size

Billy the bookcase says hello

And so does a table whose name is Ingo

And the chair is a ladder-back birch but his friends call him Karl

Ikea!

just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen

selling furniture for college kids and divorced men

Everyone has a home
But if you don’t have a home you can buy one there!
plywood, brushed steel

Meatballs…tasty…

Ikea: Allen wrenches
All of them for free
All of them for me

I’m sorry I said Ikea sucks
I just bought a table for 60 bucks

And a chair and a lamp

And a shelf and some candles for you
I was a doubter just like you
Till I saw the American dream come true
In New Jersey, they got a goddamned Swedish parade


just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen

selling furniture for college kids and divorced men

Everyone has a home
But if you don’t have a home you can buy one there!
Katy does not like this song as much as me…anyway we got to Ikea, with our masks on (everyone seems to be wearing medical masks in China still) and found that to get into Ikea we had to pass a couple of guys in hazmat suits. So that was a bit freaky. Still all we had to do was flash the code on our phones and put a glob of hand sanitize onto our uh…hands.
We went up the several floors it takes to get into Ikea and went straight to the restaurant. We were fascinated to see how the Ikea restaurant had clearly adapted to the presence of the virus. No fountain drinks, no lining up to get your food, nope. Instead we were assigned to a table and able to scan a QR code to order Ikea staples like meatballs and mashed potatoes on our phones. It was a pretty ‘okay’ experience, and a bit of a novelty. Never have we seen table service in an Ikea before!
Next I uh, got lost…Ikea is a terrifying labyrinth of twists and turns you know. Eventually I found Katy and Hector again and we journeyed together into a realm of plastic containers.

We slowly but surely made our way through the shop and really noticed just how many people were out today. The store was packed in places, if they really cared about social distancing then they were failing in a big way today. Then again, maybe they don’t need to care about social distancing anymore. China barely see’s any new cases of Covid-19 every day now and there is definitely a growing sense of ease/confidence amongst some of my Chinese friends out here.
That said pre-cautions are definitely still being made. For example, after we bought our furniture/kitchen goods I made a journey to the candy section to find this:

Candy under quarantine. The pick and mix section (Or I guess Bulk Food section for our Canadian readers?) had portions of the sweets pre-wrapped into little baggies.. There was also an Ikea employee on hand to ensure my hands were utterly soaked in disinfectant. I suppose I should feel lucky to get so much rubbing alcohol for free!
In the end we had to have our purchases delivered back to our apartment. A bit annoying, but naturally one of the downsides of no longer being car owners. Still, at 10 GBP to have it all delivered isn’t so bad.
Any who, thought it’d be nice to do a more slice of life sort of post. Me or Katy will be back soon with more updates I’am sure!




















