There’s no such thing as additional needs in China

Recently Hector has gone back to DIC which is the original nursery/school he was going to before he was old enough to go to BASIS. Unfortunately, it turned out that the ‘Montessori’ school that we sent him to didn’t know how to deal with additional needs and so Hector was not being looked after there. We tried to get him back into BASIS but he wasn’t able to return.

One of the things that parents with a child with additional needs will be told in China is that China doesn’t know what additional needs is or how to help. I’m not going to say that the provision here is what it is in the UK or Canada as undoubtedly every school is required by law to support every child in these countries which is not the case here. However, I do want to point out that there is support available but it is variable. Some schools are aware of the issues and will go the extra mile to find additional help. Because we had to remove Hector from BASIS we actually found Hector’s first therapist based on a recommendation from his new school. This did seem to have some impact but the travel was horrendous and they were not very good at communicating with us. Now he has gone back to DIC he is getting one to one sessions from a different therapist (an additional but very worthwhile cost) who is fantastic. The person there does exactly what our pediatrician recommended. The communication is amazing as well with us normally getting a full written report and videos after each session.

We have experienced a lot of snobbery when it comes to therapy and medicine in China. There is an assumption that if the person does not speak English they are incapable of helping a child. We have not found this to be the case. In fact, we felt like we were throwing money down the drain when Hector was getting therapy from someone who spoke English from the clinic that was recommended by everyone. Perhaps this was as we were not able to get him to therapy regularly enough but certainly having someone who speaks English does not seem to be the be all and end all. He has made more progress with someone who doesn’t. There is definitely an assumption among some in the Expat community that speaking English equals better just because the person speaks English. It is strange that in one of the biggest countries in the world they apparently don’t know what ASD is (they definitely do). Another assumption is that medical care is substandard which again is not the case and the price of private healthcare here is tiny compared to what it is in the UK. This is not because the care is worse; I have seen the same doctor all the way through my pregnancy and have access to her through Wechat 24/7! I don’t really fully understand why there is such a financial difference (just to use tests as an example an ultrasound in China is about 20% the cost of going private in the UK), other than that the cost of living in China overall is much lower and the population on the whole could not afford UK prices.

Really, I want to focus on how well Hector is doing at the moment. Medically, he was diagnosed with a development delay. The main area was language though there were minor delays in the other areas. Currently, his doctor does not suspect ASD. From our perspective as well, the delays found in the other areas all seemed to be knock on effects. For example, asking Hector to jump and then assuming he cannot do this because he didn’t follow the instructions! It remains a mystery how much Hector really understands and how much is just him being stubborn.

Recently Hector has started to calm down a lot more. He is really interested in reading books, particularly the ‘Ten little ..’ series. He has been dragging our hands to point at things that he is interested in. Mostly numbers but he has also started doing this with the colored fish in his Usborne color lift the flap book (thank you Aunty Lizzie!). Sometimes he will sit and ‘read’ for 10 minutes on his own now. Mostly this means he likes to sit and flip through the books but it certainly makes being out with him easier than it used to be. It was interesting to have a Chinese mother while we were at Disney pointing out that this little boy is reading to her child! We are not used to Hector being used as a positive example!

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We were also advised to work on his motor skills. The two videos are both on the same day and show his progression. To be fair, this was not something we were majorly worried about as it seemed more a case of won’t than can’t but we were very pleased to see the levels of concentration! The pictures are from at least a few weeks before that at a soft play with fake sand. After getting back from Nanjing today he also spent a lot of time playing with his (or Tom’s) Mario hot wheel track, again showing his ability to concentrate. We keep battling over using a spoon for dinner and are getting there but if he can use his fingers he still prefers this!

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His eye contact is also starting to get a lot better, which his school has noticed. He might not respond when strangers speak to him but he does at least look at them and sometimes make conversational noises. Instructions continue to be a bit hit and miss but again he will follow them much more than he was. He will also look back and check where we are when he runs away instead of continuing to run!

Being outside with him continues to be the biggest battle. He has amazing stamina and walked all the way to Sun Yat-Sen’s mausoleum yesterday which was a lot of steps. But the problem is in directing him. He still loves to run and doesn’t always run in the right direction so we continue to have to hold his hand, particularly when near roads or big crowds. We have tried the baby reigns thing but he just gets really angry! It’s particularly hard at the moment as I find it difficult to chase after him! So we have to hold his hand a lot more than we would like to so we will keep working on this one. At least he can walk when holding someone’s hand now and the ‘floppiness’ seems to be reserved for when he is tired or just being uncooperative!

To sum up, we are really proud of how well he is doing. He’s only been having therapy with his new therapist for a few weeks but he has gone from ‘baby wouldn’t cooperate so we didn’t do this’ with his flashcards (and other activities) to looking at the cards and putting them to one side. It just goes to show what can be achieved when the people around him believe in him.