Hector finished his first term on Thursday. We had such high hopes and have tried to be patient but have been deeply saddened that it seems entirely possible for inclusion to be a word with no meaning. I’m sure there are good mainstream schools out there but we do not feel like he is in one of them. We have constantly felt that we have had to fight for everything and that his needs are not being met.
Hector has made extraordinary progress this term and it has made us incredibly sad that the school never take stock and acknowledge this. At the start of the year he would not engage with anything but now can’t wait to get into the classroom. They have classroom Dojo but don’t tell us how many points he has (in case we compare with other parents). We constantly see other children getting certificates when they reach their Dojo milestones but never once have they made a fuss of something that he has done. I think it is assumed that because he can’t talk there is no point in praising him as he won’t understand.
I used to think that children should be in mainstream education except in the most extreme of cases. I still think this is the ideal but I now understand why many parents choose to send their children to a school where their children are not an inconvenience or afterthought. We are happy that we will be able to work closely with his teachers next year as we are ignored currently to the point where even if SLT targets are sent they are ignored if it is from me.
I want to be positive and Hector is doing so well at home. He is taking turns, making great eye contact and has become quite the chatterbox in terms of how often he makes sounds. I can no longer believe that the noisy environment in his classroom is to blame for the fact that he is apparently making no progress in school.
So here is my list of 10 things I now know, some good, some bad.
- Your child will be excluded from things.
- You will become an expert problem solver
- In the case of parents of non-verbal children, you will become an expert mind reader
- Inclusion is limited in mainstream education
- You will celebrate every tiny victory for the huge milestone it is and be hurt when others don’t appreciate the progress
- You will be told that your child can’t do something and find your own way to do it anyway
- You will feel that you do not have anything in common with many parents and often be unable to have a conversation with them anyway as you are chasing your child/dealing with a meltdown etc
- You will be judged by people with no experience of SEN children
- When you do find a teacher that truly cares about every child this will make all the difference
- You will be used to doing things their way, not the way they are supposed to be done
To all my fellow SEN parents, you are amazing! Keep fighting! I will never stop fighting for an equal education for my boy.
The Hopkins of Hangzhou 